Parents often have to use the same set of words and phrases: “No,” “Stop it,” “Don’t touch that”. How else to react when a child breaks toys, sticks his fingers in a socket and begs for candy at the store? Or what to do if you see that your teen tries to look for betting results at 22betethiopia.com or access other websites that are not designed for him? But do all these bans and orders really work?
Instead of using negative phrases, switch to positive communication. Its point is to explain to the child exactly what he should do, and not just forbid and tell him what to do. Here are some tips to help you master positive communication.
Pay Attention to Negative Phrases
To begin with, figure out in what situations you use such phrases. Think back to the child’s behavior that makes you nervous and raise your voice at him. Does he often shout at the top of his lungs for no particular reason? Then you have no choice but to yell “Stop it!” even louder.
Write down on a sheet of paper the things that annoy you the most. They will be especially difficult for you to deal with, which is why it is so important to identify them and analyze them.
Find Positive Alternatives
Now think about what phrases you could use to replace all of your “No” and “Stop”. For example, if your child is running around the apartment, ask him to run more slowly. Tell him not to throw objects on the floor, but to put them down slowly and carefully.
Next to the situations from the previous point, write phrases on paper that you could use to calm your child. Try not to use negative expressions.
Don’t Tell Your Kids What to Do
The next step is to give up commands altogether. Children are told what to do all the time, but that’s not how adults communicate with each other. Adults ask, advise, and negotiate. But, of course, if you ask if the child wants to turn off the cartoon and go to bed, he will probably refuse.
Try to give your child a choice. Tell him it’s time for bed and offer him the choice of brushing his teeth or changing into his pajamas first. He will feel more independent and be able to make a decision. But it is not so important for you what he chooses, the goal will be achieved in any case.
“When” Instead of “No”
Sometimes children start pestering you with requests at the most inappropriate moments. For example, they distract you from your work and ask to go for a walk in the park. You can dismiss the child, refuse him or her and go back to your own business. But such a response will surely upset the child. It is better to explain to him that you would be glad to go for a walk, but now you don’t have time. And be sure to tell him when the time will appear.
There is another option. Use a combination of “First, then”. If you told your child to clean the toys in the room, but he refuses and says he wants to watch cartoons, don’t forbid him to do it. But tell him to finish cleaning first, and then have fun.
Give Your Child Time to Think and Guide Him With Questions
The child does not always react immediately to your calm appeals and continues to be capricious or to make a mess. It does not mean that positive phrases do not work and it is time to return to prohibitions. The child just does not have time to think about your words right away. When you ask him to do something, first mentally count to three, and then decide whether you need to repeat your request or phrase it differently.
If the child still can’t focus on the task at hand, guide him with questions. When the child is cleaning the room and gets distracted, ask him what he should do next, where he should take the scattered toys, and so on.